Divorcing Parents | My Divorce Recovery

Rewriting Your Divorce Story

For many people, the story of their divorce is a story of trauma and tragedy, often described as the worst thing that has ever happened in their lives. For those who wish to move on with their lives in a constructive way, it is often useful to rewrite and recast their divorce story.

In many instances, rewriting involves the retelling of a story in which a person may have found him or herself to be a victim, and reframing the story in a way that they can see themselves on their own journey of growth—a hero’s journey. Read More →

Holiday Survival Guide

The holidays can be wonderful, but also very stressful when you’re coping with divorce. The major fear that parents have going into a shared parenting plan is what the holidays will be like. Whether you are with your children or not, the holidays are often a huge adjustment because there is such a departure from the traditions of the past.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean that your family cannot enjoy the usual traditions, if the other parent is willing. In an effort to be a family first—as opposed to being a divorced family first and a family second—some parents have agreed to celebrate holidays together. Read More →

Parties at Odds: Conflict in Politics and Divorce

A new survey conducted by the American Psychological Association as part of their Stress in America study concluded that 52% of Americans report feeling anxiety over the presidential election.

This election cycle has broken numerous records, from the ratings for the debates to the amount of money spent on campaign ads. More so than any election in recent memory, being on different sides of the race is tearing apart friends and families. There is such a heightened level of anxiety that some people are convinced that if their candidate doesn’t win, they’re not going to be safe, or that there’s going to be chaos. Read More →

The Dance: Choreographing Parents’ Weekend at College

For divorced or divorcing parents, one of the more difficult challenges they face is sending their children off to college. The college process is such a huge milestone—and an anxiety-provoking experience—for the whole family.

It’s no wonder that the tradition of Parents’ Weekend/Homecoming occurs about a month and a half into the semester; the freshmen have settled into their dorms, many have already made friends that will last a lifetime, and they are eager to share their new friends and new lives with their families. This positive growth must be fostered, not sidelined by another fight between mom and dad.

Unfortunately, reuniting a divorced family means there is an opportunity for conflict to take place. Read More →

Broad-Spectrum Parenting

Most of us are familiar with the concept of “fight or flight”—when attacked, many forms of life will choose either to fight the enemy or to flee from the dangerous situation. This concept can also be applied to co-parenting relationships during which parents often engage in hostile or defensive communication.

Fight might take the form of criticism or blame, and then counter-criticism or counter-blame. For example, if one parent says, “You were late picking up the children yesterday,” the other might retort, “Yeah, well, you didn’t give me proper notice of your vacation plans with the children.” Flight often manifests in a spouse not responding to emails, calls, and texts—basically, withdrawing and avoiding the conflict. Read More →

The First Day of School: It’s About Your Children, Of Course

Making the transition from long, unstructured days in the summer to the rules and expected behavior of the school environment can sometimes be very anxiety provoking for kids. It’s really critical that divorced parents are mindful of that anxiety, and what the kids are going through during this transition. Here are a few tips to consider:

Don’t contribute more to the children’s anxiety by fighting over where the children are going to sleep the night before the first day of school, or even being rigid about the calendar prior to the beginning of school. What’s important for the children is that there be support from their parents and no conflict. Read More →

Safety Without Borders

I recently had the opportunity to visit Switzerland. In between marveling at the mountain peaks, lush valleys, and charming architecture, I could not help but think of the country’s legendary neutrality—and how some of the children I know here at home could benefit from some neutrality in their lives.

Adults have many freedoms and a whole suite of rights that come with reaching the age of majority, but children are dependent upon adults to provide them with an emotionally safe place to grow up.

Especially children caught in the middle of a high-conflict divorce. Read More →

The Invisible Children: Adult Children of Gray Divorces

{Read in 2 minutes} The topic of the recent New York Times article Never Too Old To Hurt From Parents’ Divorce is one that receives too little consideration: the so-called “gray divorce.”

We give plenty of thought to the effect of divorce on young children, resulting in ample research and accessibility to counseling. That is a good thing, to be sure. But what about divorcing couples who are older and their children are already grown? Increasingly, divorces occur after age 50. How do those divorces affect the adult children? What help is available to them?