Recovering from Divorce by Portland Helmich

Recovering from DivorceWe are pleased to share a terrific piece by writer Portland Helmich that delves into the approach we take in our program at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health.

After 18 years together, my ex-husband and I separated in 2008. We divorced in 2010. It was the most painful experience of my life, bar none. Read More

Recovering from Divorce and Reclaiming Yourself: Our Workshop at Kripalu

Recovering from Divorce and Reclaiming Yourself: Our Workshop at Kripalu by Lauren BehrmanA longtime dream is coming to fruition in September, and Jeff and I could not be more excited!

In collaboration with a writing specialist, singer/songwriter, and mind-body specialist, we have designed a multi-day experiential workshop, Recovering from Divorce, Reclaiming Yourself, that will help people gain skills, open themselves to emotion (rather than being numb), and ultimately heal from divorce. Read More

I’ll Call You Back — Unless I Was Once Married to You

I'll Call You Back — Unless I Was Once Married to You by Lauren BehrmanRecently, a colleague reached out to one of her clients and heard the following voicemail message:

Hi, this is Donna, sorry I missed your call. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. [pause]. Unless I was once married to you.

The  message’s message is clear: speaking to an ex-spouse is not something that Donna (or many people) want to do. Read More

Decreasing Emotional Reactivity

Decreasing Emotional Reactivity by Jeff ZimmermanAfter a marriage fails, it is very easy to be emotionally reactive when interacting with a former spouse. 

Emotional hurts (both old and new), disappointments, unmet expectations, sensitivity to facial expressions, tones of voice, and even certain words or phrases can take on a lot of meaning — flooding one or both parents with strong feelings and causing lots of emotional reactivity. Read More

Creating Boundaries to Decrease Conflict Between Parents

Creating Boundaries to Decrease Conflict Between Parents by Jeff ZimmermanConflict between divorcing parents often results from judgment — both feeling judged by the other parent, and judging the other parent yourself. It takes the form of criticism and blame around parenting style, values, decisions, and even personality traits. Judgment leads to hostile counter-criticism, blame, and often avoidance. The bucket of conflict then begins to overflow. Read More

Graduation Season: Are You and Your Former Spouse Ready?

Graduation Season: Are You and Your Former Spouse Ready? by Lauren BehrmanCollege graduation season is upon us. There is less hands-on parenting with college-age children, and many have matured into young adults. Yet, regardless of a child’s maturity, it is important that parents do not neglect their responsibility to proactively ensure a special experience — one that is untarnished by awkwardness and conflict. Read More

Getting Out of the Marital Dynamic

Getting Out of the Marital Dynamic by Jeff ZimmermanA divorcing couple’s marital dynamic — often the usual pattern of unproductive interactions — is so entrenched that it can be challenging for divorce professionals to avoid it as well.

Many high-conflict couples often interact as “mind readers.” Each person is definitively sure what the other thinks, feels, and intends. Although the level of certainty is absolute, the likely reality is that one’s perspective about the other may be incorrect or only partially correct at best. Read More

Telling the Kids? Sit Down and Talk it Through First

Telling the Kids? Sit Down and Talk it Through First by Lauren BehrmanI recently had one of the most moving and powerful experiences of my career with a high-conflict divorced couple and their 7-year-old child (identifying information has been changed). Filled with tremendous gratitude, I want to share it as an example of why it is so important to be intentional, careful, and collaborative when explaining divorce to children.

In this case, the parents have been living separately for almost 2 years. The initial separation immediately followed a violent episode that involved the police. As a result, an order of protection was in place precluding the parents from being in the same room, emailing, or calling each other. Read More

Looking Through the Eyes of a Child Whose Parents are in Deep Conflict

Looking Through the Eyes of a Child Whose Parents are in Deep Conflict by Lauren BehrmanWhen we think of the ripple effects of divorce, we tend to think about the effects on the immediate family — the children of the divorcing couple in particular.

Divorce not only affects the nuclear family, but extends from generation to generation. In this article, I will share a colleague’s story about the profound and devastating effects of divorce on her and her family. Her hope in sharing this, as is ours at My Divorce Recovery, is that parents can focus their energies on progress and teamwork — rather than conflict. Read More