When our organization, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP) first grew out of the New York Collaborative Law Group, and incorporated mental health and financial professionals in addition to attorneys, we were committed to changing society’s adversarial divorce culture. Yet, we also had a bigger goal in mind: to change the way people resolved conflict—not only in family settings or divorce situations, but in all situations across the world. Read More
Let’s face it, divorce is tough enough for anyone to go through. When you’re a parent, it can feel like an insurmountable obstacle, especially when you think about co-parenting your children.
Ask yourself this crucial question — and keep it in mind daily as you move through life as co-parents …
What will our kids say about how we handled the divorce when they are grown adults?
During this past Halloween, I was reminded that this holiday is often a flashpoint for conflict between parents who are divorcing or have already divorced. In many of the families that I work with, there were issues around the timing and act of trick-or-treating, costumes, dinner, etc. Read More
It is common for people to experience a sense of well-being, satisfaction, or delight—a feeling that their life is going well. However, with the bustle of day-to-day life, and especially in situations of conflict, these emotions can be fleeting. Read More
When the college-age children of divorced families begin their journey out of the nest and onto the quad, the best gift to give them is the peace of mind that comes in knowing their foundation is still there. The last thing they want—as they’re preparing for their SATs, ACTs and writing their essays—is to worry about the conflict between mom and dad regarding which colleges they can think about, because mom and dad have not come to an agreement in advance.
In our previous article, we discussed CPR (Civil, Polite, Respectful) communication strategies for divorced parents.
Even in relationships that do not have a divorce or conflictual marital dynamic, what is said can often be misinterpreted. Certainly in today’s age, the tone of text and email communication can often be misconstrued—it’s easy to mistake something as critical or hurtful. Read More
When parents truly acknowledge the potential damage that their conflict can inflict on their children, many begin to find a way to work together so they can put their kids first. Still, some parents engage in negative intimacy—while they manage to legally divorce, they have not emotionally divorced. Read More
Divorced parents benefit from modeling their communication pattern after business etiquette—it should be Civil, Polite, and Respectful (CPR). The idea is for each parent to take responsibility for their individual communication styles and focus on implementing CPR communication, regardless of what the other parent is doing (or not doing). When both parents commit to setting the standard for the best communication possible, then generally one parent will be communicating well even if the other slips occasionally. Read More
It is hard for any parent to send their children off to college for the first time. The last two years of high school are so focused on the outcome of this process, creating increasing tension and expectation. SATs, college tours, essays and applications, and then waiting with baited breath for the colleges to send acceptances all raise the temperatures of parents and children. Read More